I cheated on my husband this week.
I got all gussied up and took my hot ass downtown to see another man.
On a dark street corner, I nervously waited in the misting rain.
Is he going to like me?
Are we going to hit it off?
Flooded with all the tantalizing tingles of anticipation, I realized, I miss this!
I miss the me who is inspired to show up fully fun and fabulous.
I love this woman inside who is up for absolutely anything because it is all in the name of pleasure research.
I long for the butterflies, the mishaps, and the creativity sparked by the awkward silences.
Being with this new man felt like the good kind of scary. Like when you have no idea what is going to happen, and you don’t care.
He took me to a kava bar. And we drank. We drank the most disgusting sludge that has ever passed these sweet lips, and I loved every moment.
I loved feeling new.
I loved feeling seen by new eyes.
But what about my husband?
Yes, the absolute love of my life?
Well, I practically talked about him the entire time.
In full disclosure, this wasn’t an actual romantic date, but it was the first time I have been out and alone with another man since becoming a wife.
Part of me feels bad about thoroughly enjoying the company of another man. Another part yearns to remember the girl who dared to embark on such a wild escapade as Adventures in Pleasure Dating. And rightly so! I am sure my husband misses her too.
That woman was daring, confidently open and took each precious moment as a divine opportunity to explore her feminine mystique. Ooooh la la and it was good for all!
The truth is, that highly pleasured woman has been absent, and it took another man to wake me up to the fact that she indeed existed once upon a time.
But is this my husband’s fault?
Is this marriage’s fault?
As a pleasure goddess, I vowed long ago to take 100% full responsibility for my experiences. I empowered myself to know that my turn on is my own. This means that the increase in the amount of sweat pants I wear in my relationship has nothing to do with how sexy or passionate my husband chooses to be.
It has everything to do with how willing I am to show up in my emblazoned feminine self.
The truth is, I long to know her again. And I bet you anything my husband feels the same. This is why last night, as I sat at the sushi bar alone, I struck up conversation with the man 2 seats down.
I am in no way being unfaithful to my amazing man and our amazing marriage. I am simply honoring it all, by first and foremost staying faithful to myself. When a woman knows herself, loves herself and expresses herself without inhibition, every single being in her path benefits. The sacred feminine oozes with goodness. And trust me, when you give her free reign, she will shake things up, but she will do no harm.
Are you ready to feel alive again?
Are you ready to know her?