This is the fourth post in a series of 6 that will spell out the an acrostic for D–E–S-I-R-E. Each post explores the juicy elements of an ultimately fabulous Pleasure Adventure in the making. Subscribe above so you don’t miss next week’s, R – Ridiculous Joy. My intention behind these posts are to give you direct examples of how YOUR Pleasure Adventure is possible and waiting for you! Get your spot in line for next week’s post.
We are just two days away from this life altering escapade and I find myself, more than ever, looking to cling to the stability of my partnership.
The everyday comforts of our life are in upheaval. Our home, our foundation, has been picked bare. I am tearing through my bag of pleasure practices to find the ones that will ground us.
My desire is to turn the empty space we stand in, into the magical road that stretches out before us.
To feel truly ready, I desperately want us to purge our worries and fears, set intentions, create ideal scenarios and share our juiciest desires for what is to come. But all the tools I pluck from my magic bag fall short and fail to ignite the same enthusiasm in my hubby. I yearn to connect, but his focus is on getting shit done to get us out the door.
Although my heart is in the right place, nothing shifts.
And then I realized the one preciously misguided flaw in my fool proof pleasure plan to connect us before this journey.
This newest Pleasure Adventure (just like my last) really has nothing to do with my relationship with my husband. It has everything to do with my relationship with myself.
This trip across America is shared and essentially ours. But where this trip is taking me inside of myself, is and will always be, a solo journey.
Now don’t get me wrong. I have strong intentions for this expedition to deepen the connection between myself and my beloved all the way into Blissville. But I must remember that the depth of loving I get to experience from my partner, is directly related to how much I am willing to love myself.
This is secret sauce in the magic bag of intimacy.
Many women today have it terribly backwards, and therefore feel depleted, deflated and dissatisfied in their relationships (or in their search for one). Do you ever feel this way?
I am lucky enough to get to work with amazing goddesses everyday who deeply desire a partnership where they get to feel cherished, supported, heard and full of the freedom to be completely themselves. Before long, they realize that dating around, looking for someone to treat them how they longingly desire to be treated is pretty futile. Because of one missing piece.
This is because the true, embodied, pleasure experience is achieved only when you are willing to be the one to cherish yourself.
When you fully show up for yourself, you get to feel supported. When you give yourself full permission to fall deeply in love with your quirkiest, dorkiest, uninhibited self, then you already have freedom. The vibration of love, adoration, intimacy and acceptance that you seek is created within you. This energy that you resonate from your very being, can then match up with that same energy in another.
For example, that sweet, attentive, exciting, generous partner you desire.
By waiting for someone else to come along and make you feel fabulous, you are sending the Universe the wrong message. You’re saying “I am not enough.”
Holding this energy inside of yourself will only ever allow you attract that which will never be enough! By avoiding the juiciest, deepest and most honest relationship with yourself, you are avoiding that same thing with a man or woman of your dreams. Essentially, you are setting yourself up to settle for less than the very best.
Honey, please don’t settle!
I truly believe that intimacy is first and foremost an inside job. Lucky for us, one fruitful byproduct of a deep connection with yourself, is that ultra juicy partnership with another.
Want a sexy, turned on relationship?
I invite you to explore the far reaches of your sexiness.
Desire authentic and heart centered communication?
This is your golden opportunity to open up fully to yourself.
Yearning for someone to protect and care for you?
Standing up for yourself or boldly speaking your truth are two phenomenal ways to experience this.
If I am banking on my husband to be the one to keep me nourished, comfortable, and intrigued, I am going to go internally broke before we hit the Oregon border. Sure, I can desire for him to process our trip with me all I want. But am I willing to give myself this gift whether he is interested or not? You better believe it!
Our job as empowered women is to make our pleasure our priority. When we realize that filling up our own cup is our responsibility alone, the pressure is then off of the relationship to fill it for us.
All parties are then free to love for loving’s sake.
This kind of love is authentic and pure and lends itself to the deepest joy I’ve ever experienced. Is this the kind of intimacy you are interested in?
I would love to hear your thoughts. Please leave your beautiful comments in the space below. In the meantime, I’m off to get goddessy with my journal and my desires.
I love you all.
Please send good vibes and blessings to our trip ahead.