Waaahhhh waaaahhhh……..this is getting old…….and I haven’t even been doing this very long. Last night I went on yet another first date. The aftermath leaves me uninspired and wandering down the mental path of wondering if I am wasting my time. But this is the Pursuit of Love! How could any energy put forth with that intention possibly be a waste?
If I got real with myself, I would have to call me on my shit and recognize that I am cleverly sabotaging this crusade. I am not giving myself a fighting chance.
I have now met in person 6 lucky men off of OKCupid. Although each of these chaps have been severely different, there has been an overarching theme in these dates. They were all nervous. I was not. Now come on honey! This is a HUGE piece of information for myself. One that I have been so eager to ignore.
What a sneaky little bitch I have been! (and I like to think of B.I.T.C.H. as Babe In Total Control Of Herself!) So yes, sneaky in the sense that I am trying to make it seem like I am sooooo open and willing to jump right into this vulnerable dating game (when in reality I am not choosing to go for men that I am genuinely turned on by). And yes, in control of myself, but perhaps too controlling of the situations I am placing myself in with these guys. Where is the room for magic and excitement?
I feel like a wimp for not fully going for what I want.
And I also feel too nice in my perusal of these computerized men.
So now the dilemma. I don’t want to overly judge these men AND I don’t want to waste my time. Enter the solution……the one and only Julie B!
While lying in bed together last night after my drab date, Julie introduced me to her cutthroat methods of fella filtering. With a discerning eye, a quick clicking finger and a fierce and free-flowing NO, I was introduced to brutal boy elimination. To be honest, it felt weird……and it felt good. Weird in the fact that I felt overly harsh dismissing dudes on account of their nerdy pants or their “I’m just a laid back guy who likes to have a good time” openers. Good in the fact that I was finally cutting the bullshit. That tiny act of freedom and pleasure helps me breath a little easier today.
Proclamation #2: I only date men who give me butterflies.
Hold me to this ladies and gentlemen! The magical man I manifest is going to bring immeasurable joy to my life….and yours too!