pleasure heals pain

Dearest Love,

I have something very beautiful and inspiring to share.

I was so moved by an email that I received this week from a dear soul sister that I had to ask her if I could share it with you here.

Her story below is a triumphant example of how doing the healing inner work can truly change a woman, her life and her experience of pleasure. I am also in love with how her story displays that when a woman steps into her empowered Goddess Self, she paves the path for the God-like hero in her partner to step forward in their authentic power as well! So so so good! All is possible through this work and I am so honored to get to support women in this kind of healing.

Here is her story.
I have not changed a word.

“Speaking of healing, I suppose I should share an actual trigger from last week, to illustrate some of the Calm I’ve been experiencing when I really needed it. So: I was romping around with my mate, enjoying a rather spicy foreplay situation. In an instant, my comfort froze into a boulder-in-the-stomach trigger, and I had tears in my eyes. I tried to make space around myself psychically, reminding myself that I was safe and fine. Wanting to be ok (but definitely not feeling sexy anymore), I “went through the motions,” i.e. went ahead with sex. Normally, I’m cracking jokes and in a GREAT mood after, so he noticed I was not, and began getting bummed out about his “performance.” The problem was, he had grabbed me too hard at one point, and it triggered an instantaneous physical and emotional reaction that I could not come back from. At first, I just said, “it’s not about you, I just don’t like being grabbed like that.” He is sooooo much bigger and stronger than I am (a difference I usually find very stimulating), but like the great dane that thinks it’s a lap dog, completely lacks perspective on how his overpowering physicality might unintentionally affect someone smaller. Especially someone female. Dealing with the shit we deal with.

So, I was getting annoyed with his moping, and said simply, calmly: “One time, when I was 18, someone raped me when I was passed out, and I woke up with a hand print on my throat.” Yikes, right? At first, there was just hugging and a couple tears. We talked a bit, then I went to get up because I needed my lighter. I was in a quiet stillness, giving thanks for the fact that I wanted my lighter for my Palo Santo. I didn’t want to smoke anything or drink anything, all I wanted was the comforting and grounding scent of my holy smoke. It was a relief that I was able to confront the trigger, the PTSD, the intimate situation with my partner, and feel mostly alright. My self-destructive impulses have been replaced by self-caring impulses. Amazing. I did that. It is actually very cool to be able to go hey, this may be an involuntary reaction, but look how much healing I’ve done. This won’t rob me of my sanity, my safety, or the beautiful and sensual sexual relationship I’ve worked so hard to cultivate as a healthy part of my life.

Another cool thing that happened, after my Calm helped my partner stop freaking out (his man brain and heart exploded with sadness and frustration when I got up), we had a really great talk about the overall issues that create these horrible dynamics and situations for women. He amazes me and brings me to tears of gratitude with how much he has invited and let sink in over the course of our relationship. This man doesn’t “deal” with his feminist crusader partner, he honors and cherishes the shit out of me! he listens to me, thinks about what I say, admires my strength, and now he educates and talks to other men when shit comes up! I love him so incredibly much. I used to always hope but never really believe he existed.

So, this very real trigger became a beautiful opportunity for healing and intimacy. It’s tough to describe the support, humor, childlike joy, and closeness I feel in this relationship. It brings me to tears everyday. We are getting engaged soon (witches just know), we are raising the most amazing rainbow wonder-girl there ever was, and every day seems to bring us more joy, light, wellness, and awareness that we can and will keep growing all our dreams!!! Wow, just rereading that makes me go “really? I have this?? fuck yeah I do Goddess!!” and I high-five my higher self, who has been my guiding light and champion.

Wow! Isn’t that just amazing? So much gratitude to my dear sister for allowing us to revel in her magical wins! Powerful things happen in our lives when we are willing to show up and do the work, allow ourselves to be vulnerable and are willing to share our pleasure.

To keep this soul train a truckin’, I would absolutely love to hear (in the comments below or via email how you can see your own life in the story shared above, or where you’ve been protecting yourself and keeping it quiet, rather than stepping into your vulnerability and pleasure. (And we’re not just talkin’ sex here!)

We all co-exist on this planet to hold the light for one another. It is my role as a coach, as Your coach, to assist you in healing your way into the life that is waiting for you. I believe in you and your desires. Reach out to me to share your answer to my question, or if you’re wanting some assistance and accountability in the pleasure-department.


Coach Briana